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| Believe - BJ |
Prime Minister-to-be Boris Johnson has been accused of rape after a long-term abuse scandal erupted this morning. Speaking from a witness protection house somewhere in Sweden, Truth said that Mr Johnson had begun assaulting her as early as 1970, when he was just 6 years old.
“He would take a lit match and push it into the bottom of his horse before claiming someone else did it” recalled Ms Truth, speaking exclusively to the very news rag that you’re reading right now.
“It was also well known that after a (fox) hunt, he would claim that he had been the one that landed the killing bite, though it was clearly one of the hounds.”
Giselle Truth was in a sorry state as she reported what followed.
“When he graduated from Oxford it seemed a natural career for him to become some kind of street urchin, but in fact he went into journalism. The worst thing is, many people knew what kind of person he was; he was even fired from the [sic] Crimes (Times)”
“He made up some quotes and attributed them to his own Godfather.”
Ms Truth snivelled into a police-issue hankie and wept.
“Instead of doing anything about it they just showed him the door. It didn’t stop. It just happened again, and again, and again.”
Mr Johnson is known to have tracked Ms Truth to Brussels next, where he spent the next 5 years defiling her in public view.
“He once wrote something about the EU banning prawn cocktail crisps… do you know what that really was about? [sic] Cunt... what a Skitstövel... it was because he couldn’t buy a porn mag called Cock and Tail. The newsagent had sold them all that day to Philippe Léopold Louis Marie.”
We cornered Mr Johnson at a children’s swimming pool, where he claimed he had lost his children. Just how many children, he refused to say.
Responding to the allegations, Mr Johnson said that he’d never had any dealings with Truth, and that he wouldn’t be able to pick her out of a line up of one.
“He made up some quotes and attributed them to his own Godfather.”
Ms Truth snivelled into a police-issue hankie and wept.
“Instead of doing anything about it they just showed him the door. It didn’t stop. It just happened again, and again, and again.”
Mr Johnson is known to have tracked Ms Truth to Brussels next, where he spent the next 5 years defiling her in public view.
“He once wrote something about the EU banning prawn cocktail crisps… do you know what that really was about? [sic] Cunt... what a Skitstövel... it was because he couldn’t buy a porn mag called Cock and Tail. The newsagent had sold them all that day to Philippe Léopold Louis Marie.”
We cornered Mr Johnson at a children’s swimming pool, where he claimed he had lost his children. Just how many children, he refused to say.
Responding to the allegations, Mr Johnson said that he’d never had any dealings with Truth, and that he wouldn’t be able to pick her out of a line up of one.
An unfortunate turn of phrase for Mr Johnson, as that’s exactly what she’ll be doing later this month when Mr Johnson stands trial for her rape.
BoJo was later pictured flapping his arms in an attempt to take off in a bid to prove his latest claim that he can fly without assistance.
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