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Trump Resigns After Following Own Logic to its Conclusion

The Washington Post/Getty Images
In a succession of tweets, sent from a late night dive bar in New York, Donald Trump resigned his position as President of the United States with immediate effect.

It is understood that DT stepped down after being challenged by a drunken hooker to come to a logical conclusion on his own position regarding the four congresswomen known as ‘The Squad’.

In the tweets Mr Trump confessed that he had never considered that he himself was born to immigrant parents.

Donald thumbed the messages before going on to start a backroom brawl with the prostitute after she claimed that he had not signed their non-disclosure agreement.

“That sonnovabitch, he just tried to haul ass out of there” said Latisha Candy, a large African American woman from the Bronx (the child of US born parents).

“I thought hell no! I smacked that candy ass bitch right there in the bar!”

Ms Candy revealed that she had never taken any classes in basic logic, but said that the specimens left in the used condoms of her clients often had a higher level of intellectual development than Mr. Trump himself.

“He saw the error of his ways pretty damn quickly” Candy stated.

After the punch-up Trump is understood to have cowered in the unisex toilets before tweeting out his statement of resignation.

His tweets, once interpreted by our two year old Basset Hound, conveyed approximately the following meaning:

“I, uhh, look, even the best ones get stuff wrong all the time. My friends in NK and the Kremlin, they’re always telling me - ‘Donald, don’t be afraid to fuck things up!’. Well I guess I made a pretty big error on this one. Way big, maybe the biggest… I don’t know, but people have said it was the biggest. That guy, he did. I’m always telling people, hey look, I’m Scottish!”

Trump was later seen boarding a Ryanair flight to Glasgow, where he is rumoured to be setting up a brothel.

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